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"I walk by her side and the darkness lifts from my soul.

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April 11th, 2006


03:41 pm - Karma?
So I just updated about EVERYTHING moderately interesting that has been going on with me and EVERYTHING fucking awesome that will be going on with me this summer and next year...and then...Livejournal ate it.

I'm not typing all of that shit up again.

So.

Ask me about my life yourselves, if you're really interested.



This is why I don't use Livejournal often anymore.
Current Location: What the hell is this field for?
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Eddie Izzard

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March 26th, 2006


12:39 am - Just sharing.
Tonight a little girl told me that she did not believe in God.

Eight years old, pizza sauce dribbling down the side of her face, she said it casually - as only the truest of truths can be spoken - as she dumped extra ceasar dressing on her salad. After a brief "not your child to corrupt" moment, wherein my face undoubtedly resembled that of a deer in the proverbial headlights of a suburban assault vehicle, I managed to choke out a hesitant "Why not?"

"Because I can't see him," came the matter-of-fact reply.

This is the part where you are supposed to tell children that, even though we cannot see Him, there is evidence of His existence everywhere - in people, trees, miracles - and that belief, when so struck blind, is what we call Faith. Babysitters are also supposed to just tell children that they should talk to their parents about it later and drop the topic because we sure as hell aren't being paid $10 an hour to be philosophical.

What I said instead was, "Well...that's okay then. That's why I don't really believe in God either."

I explained to her that I don't believe God is a person, but that maybe God is an idea, a way to think about the spirit in everything alive in the world. She liked this theory, and agreed quickly as though I had merely filled some holes in her own logic rather than presented something totally new to her mind. She said, "Yeah. It's not like if you have a problem and pray to him about it he's listening and is going to do something for you."

"Right. But. I think that some people do believe in God as a person because it helps them to feel like they are talking to someone...they feel better that someone higher, someone Godlike who could potentially help them, is listening."

That she took a longer moment to digest.

"Even if you don't believe in God," I continued, "it's still okay to follow your religion (they're Jewish). All religions have rules about being a good person, and maybe you don't have to follow the Ten Commandments simply to make God happy. Maybe you should just be a good person anyway as a way to pay your respects to the universe, to the world. Make it a good place by being good in it."

"Yes," she interrupted herself with a slurp of milk from her cup, "that makes sense."
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Hmm.

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March 20th, 2006


08:24 am - Ha!
The last time I updated this journal was on December 11th, 2005.
Current Mood: Tardy
Current Music: ...

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December 11th, 2005


01:25 am - Haven't done this in a while...
...but I think I needed it.Collapse )
Current Mood: Why isn't "Cathartic" on here?
Current Music: "Take a Load Off Annie" - Travis

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November 8th, 2005


07:47 pm - Someone up there...who speaks Chinese...is keeping an eye out for me.
I just opened (and scarfed down) a fortune cookie with the following slip of prophesy inside of it:

Front - "Begin...the rest is easy."

Back - "LEARN CHINESE - <b>Medical Doctor</b>,  'Hai-zi'."


Oh, and my lucky numbers are 22, 28, 46, 5, 28, 37.

:)

PS.  School is going well.  I am sorry (to everyone) for being so busy, but I would be lying if I said I "hated" being busy all the time.  It's unfortunate, but it's about time I started taking college this seriously.  SPECTRUMS is going better than it was for a while there.  The literary magazine is almost done for this semester.  And I have been smiling for 3ish months straight now.  Life is good.  "That's a very important thing to remember.  Ironically, it's the easiest to forget."
Current Mood: Study-Mode
Current Music: Alanis

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October 24th, 2005


12:25 pm - So...um...
I got a 100 on my first Organic Chemistry exam...





And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why I haven't posted in forever, and probaby also why no one has seen very much of me lately. It is also why my new super-focus on schoolwork has been totally worth it.
Current Mood: So damn PROUD of myself!
Current Music: The sound of this shit-eating grin...

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September 29th, 2005


01:00 am - This is both long overdure, and long in words.
I haven’t really been able to talk to or see anyone lately for any significant amount of time, so I guess this is me posting notes on my current mental state for all those who are curious...

In which our author does not make a “return” to LiveJournal, but rather opens the thoughts tumbling around in her busy mind to the general criticism and input of those she loves through LiveJournalCollapse )

"The music ignites the night with passionate fire."
"The narration crackles and pops with incendiary wit."
Zoom in as they burn the past to the ground
And feel the heat of the future's glow.
How do you leave the past behind,
When it keeps finding way to get to your heart?
It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out
'Til you're torn apart.
Rent!
How can you connect in an age
Where strangers, landlords, lovers
Your own blood cells betray?
What binds the fabric together
When teh raging, shifing winds of change
Keep ripping away?
Draw a line in the sand
And then make a stand.
Use your camera to spar.
Use your guitar.
When they act tough-you call their bluff
...Cause everything is rent.


-"Rent," RENT
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: RENT

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September 25th, 2005


01:11 pm - Weird.
I had a dream last night (this morning?) that I had a baby. In the dream, I (with the baby's father, whose identity was semi-obstructed throughout the entire dream) was about a week out of the hospital and bringing it around to show different members of my family. It was a boy. His name was Shawn (yes, with that spelling). I remember realizing at one point that I was 23 years old.

* * *
A week or two ago, I had an extremely vivid dream in which I saw Krista again for what would be the first time since prom. She looked exactly like I am sure she does now, and nothing at all like she did four years ago. After I woke up from this dream, I went to my morning classes. On my way out of one of them, I could have sworn that I saw Alex Guerra (her boyfriend and supposed fiancee when last I saw her) rush past me through the doors into Richardson Hall as I rushed out. I didn't get a chance to double check. I thought he went to Stevens, though...

* * *
Over the summer (end of July maybe), I had an even weirder dream in which I spent a glorious few hours (minutes?) with the man I would call my "soulmate," if I really believed in such things. Which I kind of do. Again, his face was obstructed for the entire dream, except for my initial sighting of him, but of course I can't remember that image. And after last night's dream, now that I think about it and run the comparisons through my mind, I am pretty sure it's the same guy as Shawn's "father." But anyway. I am not going into the details of this dream because it ws way long and extremely involved and detailed, but suffice it to say that I woke up from it thouroughly moved and a little disturbed. In the dream, the guy rushes up to me at a party and smothers me in a hug. I haven't seen him in a long time, apparently, and seeing him "again" this time makes me realize that, during our separation, I missed him so much it almost becomes painful. He reminds me then about how Krista had first introduced us. The dream continues from that point on with us together, but like I said, I'm not going into it here. When I finally woke up, I spent about a full ten minutes sitting in my bed wracking my brain trying to remember if Krista ever had introduced me to anyone like him in the short span of our friendship. Finding no memory of such a person, I literally had to try to convince myself that I did not know this man. In my opinion, this took far too long to do, and telling myself he didn't really exist here in the waking world, in my reality, was so hard to do that it hurt. And here I am, nearly two months later, still strongly affected by the memory of it and having even more weirdo dreams.

* * *
Okay. That's all. I just wanted to document the baby dream, but then it reminded me of the other two, so sorry for the long tangent there. I'm going to go do some Physics homework, which is all I really seem to do lately...
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Tori...What else plays so well on drizzly Sunday afternoons?

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August 10th, 2005


09:32 pm
oh no i did it again!

BBQ

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July 18th, 2005


09:17 pm - A return to LJ, means a return to posting song lyrics. Sorry. *smirk*
I'm feeling a bunch of different things right now. Not all of these are directed toward the same emotion/person/etc, obviously. They may not be directed toward anyone/thing in particular at all. That's for me to know and for you...not to know. ;-P Not that this is a challenge or anything, but anyone who can recognize the artists or songs (without Google-ing them!) is probably awesome.

***

Not sayin'
Not charmed at all
Not sayin'
that you weren't worth
the fall
But I was alone when
I knew it was real

Down the canyon
when I knew I had come

...And as soon
as you have
rearranged the mess
in your head
He will show up looking
sane
perfectly sane
If I know Crazy

***

the sexiest thing is trust

...“Are you positive this is a friend?”
the captain grimaced,
“Those are cliffs of rock ahead
if I’m not mistaken.”

***

and on and on the nurses make it clear
just when you escape you have yourself to fear
a restaurant that never has to close
breakfast every hour it could save the world

so hey do you do judo in your finery
an angel's face is tricky to wear constantly

***

and oh, oh,
let me count the ways
that i abhore you,
and you were never a good lay
and you were never a good friend

but, oh, oh, what else can i say...
i adore you

***

In my dreams you are still here,
just like you've always been

***

We are just learning how to smile
That's not easy to do
We both live for the day
When we can run away
...You know I live for the day
When you say "Baby let's just run away"

***

I want to get back to my City by the bay

***

I am the awesomest.
Current Mood: Why isn't "Alive" an option?
Current Music: Musica!

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